I don't want this to get too off-topic, but I'd like to encourage those who aren't involved to step in and help out.
Programming is about breaking down the problem into smaller steps. Once you have this down, which language you use shouldn't make a big difference, and actually if you have your pseudo-code the procedural code really isn't so bad. In a lot of cases a crash course or faq might be all you need since most IDEs help you put it together anyway.
If you can direct me to some literature that'd give me the essentials to help and links to required tools i'd love to get started.